Never a dull moment.

Original Message -----
From: Helen
To: Pat
Cc: Carolyn, Katy, Vee and Mary.

Sent: Tuesday, September 02, 2008 2:53 PM

Subject: Gym gyminny gym gyminny, gym gym gyrree!

Back to the grind today!

Got onto the treadmill fitted with front holding bar especially for those such as me that need to hold on.

I was doing ok until Mr Fit got onto next-door treadmill and started going for gold! I couldn't take the competition so let go of front bar to grab side rail, from which position I can reach the controller if I really stretch my fingers. Unfortunately I missed the button to go up a speed notch and hit the stop key by mistake, so the treadmill abruptly stopped dead and almost threw me off.

I wobbled about for a bit, much to Mr. Fit's great amusement, then he realised I was in trouble, so he quickly, and very sweatily came to my aid (although he was struggling to control his mirth - the megafit swine).

I recovered over a cup of coffee and piece of much-needed dark chocolate with Lorraine my trainer, (she of the Angelina Jolie body but sadly not of the face). She lectured me most severely about going on the equipment unsupervised and as I sat chastened and remorseful (cos she would've lost her job if I'd been hurt) the door burst open and in flounced (or rather stomped) one of the herd of hippos who sit in the cafe all day, exercising one arm each and their jaws, as they eat their way through the menu!

She took up a furiously indignant arms akimbo stance in front of us and regaled Lorraine in a voice that could summon all the elephant herds on the African continent - I cowardly slunk low in my seat so she could channel her vituporous fury towards Lorraine.

It seemed that apparently the Alpha Hippo (A woman of such mega proportions that she would make the Russian shot putter team look anorexic!!!) had accused this indignant one of making a racist remark towards her (Alpha Hippo's) son.

"Me!!" she snorted pointing at her chest "Me?!" she shrieked again, now at least at 130 decibels. By now all pretence at activity in the gym had ceased and it was deathly quiet "I've never made a racist remark in me life. I've got six kids and they're all different colours!!!" she trumpeted triumphantly then she turned and stomped off, crashing the door behind her.

Lorraine hastily filled in the blanks for me:- it seems that this woman has a penchant for Mediterranean holidays where she meets men, only working in order to afford to get away regularly, and apparently returning from each sunny sojourn with a considerable amount of extra baggage, the result being that her six kids all have different fathers!!

Not much work was done in the gym after this show stopping performance, with the exception of Mr Fit who was doing his impressive press-up routine using the gym-ball and heavy weights. Suddenly the ball burst and Fit, weights, ball remains, baggy shorts & all collapsed in a very undignified heap on the exercise mat.

That'll teach him to laugh at me! I thought smugly. He was unhurt but suffered a severe dent to his pride as I, and all other observers, guffawed loudly; tee hee!

Bit concerned at this cos my physio has assured me that these balls have built in safety devices to prevent such bursts, might think twice before using mine at home again, maybe Fit had over pumped it or something. Will keep you informed

No I did not make all that up, although it may not have happened in exactly that order.

There's always something going on.

Can't wait to go again on Friday.

Love to all,

Helen x